Masochistic Me

It's so late in the night, almost quarter to four
I've seen this hour several times before
I can never ever get to sleep
I'm just in way too deep

My eyes cry tears I didn't know I had
And still I kind of like feeling so bad
I can let out my emotions deep inside
The way normal people feel, I just can't abide

To survive I need extreme feelings
That's why I lay there staring at the ceiling
Depressing music plays in my head
My body is simply dead

I'm a sadistic little bitch
Like having that spot you just can't itch
I crave the things that hurt me most
Depression, heartbreak; things that none would ever boast

Why is my life such a tangled mess?
There's never that perfect little black dress
The sun's never out
And I cannot shout

The day's are short, the night is long
And I'm not looking quite as strong
But I don't mind at all
Because my problems are growing tall

And no matter how long I cry
I know that it will not make me die
Because I like the pain that I feel
Feelings I do not have to steal

There are things I do to make me hurt
Scars hide beneath my shirt
They hold together my broken heart
And it's broken because of me, because I am not smart

I scare those I love the most
Searching out pain from coast to coast
The druggies have got it easy, the alcholics too
They're not a sadisholic shrew

-alisha 2/15/08