My Treachery of Truth

1)I'm drained. I don't feel like I have any energy left what so ever. The physical energy I put in every day is sapping me and then I can't sleep at night and I never really feel much like eating. My mind is driving me crazy andn I just want to be alone all the time. lI'm going to crash soon, and it isn't going to be good.

2)If you feel like you have to pity me, then please do it in private. Because I feel pitiful enough as it is and i don't need your constant reminder with your sad faces and half smiles. I get it, okay? Obviously something's wrong with me, and obviously I realize it. I realize that I'm the single girl who loves a guy that lives too far away and who isn't treating her well. I realize that I'm the girl who looks like she'll never be lucky in a relationship again. I realize that I have dark shadows under my eyes and that I have a distant look in my eye. I realize that I'm starting to lose it again. And I realize that I'm pulling away from everyone. I realize that all I want is to be alone.

3)I know that you're concerned about me. I'm concerned about me too. To be honest I'm scared shitless. I'm sorry that I've done this to you, scaring you like this. We both are scared.=(

4)It's not because of you. I think that you were delaying me from becoming like this, but once you were out of the picture I didn't have anything to distract myself with anymore. so no, it is not because of you. YOu were just delaying it for awhile

5)Have you ever taken a questionaire to find out if you're so and so way before and you've kind of dramtisized(If that's a word)? Well, I was dramtizing. It's a definite answer. It's unfortunately so, I'm afraid. And no I'm not talking about pregnancy tests!

6)Thankyou for being there. Even though you're in a similar boat that I'm in, it feels nice to have someone spiraling downward right next to me.

7)I know that you'll feel bad that I'm going downward and you can't help me. Don't worry about it. Focus on yourself. Not me. Haven't I always managed to get out of my dark holes before, at least for a short time anyways? I'm going to get help this time, not wait until help finds me.

8)You won't understand. You'll think that you understand, but deep down inside you'll be confused and refuse to accept it. I know you too well to think that you could possibly understand this. It's a good thing though, it means that you have to much goodness in your heart. I suppose though that it isn't my fault that I have so much darkness inside.

9)I know that if I tell you that you'll run off and tell a dean or something because you won't want me to be fucked up. It's not your fault, it's just your nature, but maybe you should learn to accept that some people know how to get help themselves in a better way for them.

10)I wish that you would just leave me alone. It's too hard somtimes. It isn't fair what you do to me. You don't do it to other people, why should you single me out. But I know that you'll probably never stop.

I Need To Write A Treachery

1) I don't hate you. I thought I told you that I didn't. Because you said that you knew I hated you, and that's not true. I thought I did, but I was just really upset. I was overeacting.

2) I really like you, it's just lately you've kind of been creeping me out. Like, alot. ALOT, ALOT, ALOT! I don't like having sexual talks with you. I honestly just don't!!!! It was bad enough what you were saying on Monday, but today it seriously like I wanted to go puke really badly. EWWW!!!!!

3) Thankyou SO MUCH for being there when everyone else is simply being douches!!!!!! At least in my mind, but thankyou so much!

4) Thankyou for being crazy, amazing, sexy legs(Total inside joke with you), random you. It's nice.=]

5) What you said hurt my feelings. Bet you didn't even know that I know you said it either. But what you said sounded a lot like," You're an awful person and I don't understand you, but it's okay cause I like you." Um, hello? Am I the only one who finds that offensive?!?!?!!?!

6) You're so stupid sometimes. I wish you would just stop trying to understand the way the female mind works-you never will! And then you have to ask me every single last thing and it must frustrates me!

7)You're awesome, but I don't like you that way. I'm sorry.

8) Leave me alone before I call the police!!!!!! What the fuck is your problem?!?!!?!?! I've asked you nicely, I've asked you not so nicely, and STILL you won't leave me alone!!! I don't want to go out with you so just drop the whole fucking subject! No more Ms. Nice Alisha. The gloves are off....

9) Love you more than anything but you're gettin on my nerves! Tone down the energy little girl or I'm going to crazy and wring your furry little neck!!!! Just kidding, but seriously tone it down a teensy bit. I'm going crazy!

10) This is to several people: AHEM!!!! I do not HAVE to go to the dance. It is my choice and I chose not to. I only told you that I had to choose between the dance and my cabin(Which is true but I wouldn't have gone to the dance even if I wasn't going to my cabin) because you are too shallow minded to understand the fact that of course I don't feel like going to the dance! Here's a list of reasons if you need that to understand:
- I am annoyed with just about everyone right now and would much rather be alone
- I can't remember the last time I went to a dance without a date and I didn't get asked by anyone that I wanted to go with
- I would only have gone if I really, really like the person who asked me. Look at the point above....
- Yes, there is someone I like who would take me if they could. But they don't happen to live anywhere around here. So don't even ask next time, please
- I can't dance because of my injury. I can't even walk on it, let alone dance
Is that good enough? I hope so.

-Alisha

Good Times on the Beach

Okay. So, I dunno what really to write about all of a sudden. That's really weird. Hmm...well I just had spring break. I went to Jamaica from March 15- 22. Before then I had had a really...trying week and so I was really glad to be going away. I woke up at about one in the morning to get ready to go and then on the plane ride there I listened to the Beatles on my iPod, singing Good Day Sunshine and Here Comes the Sun and a bunch of Bob Marley songs to get in the mood. Then we got to Jamaica after a way too long flight and it was SO NICE to feel that eighty degree heat after coming from twenty degree Minnesota weather. ACK! But yeah, I was pumped. Then I stuck my head out of the taxi on the way to our resort and I breathed in my favourite smell- the ocean. I closed my eyes and just focused on my perpetual joy of being in one place I truly love in the world(It wasn't my first time there). We got to the resort and we walked in the doors and the first two things I see are the ocean and a very cute boy. I decided right then and there that I was going to love this trip a lot. Then a person brings us fresh, tropical drinks while they bring our bags to our room and we get checked in. Then when I got in the elevator to go to our room the first time I saw the cute boy walk by. Pretty exciting.xD But yeah, so we settled into this awesome room with a view of the pool AND the ocean and then we spend the rest of the day at the pool and on the beach. Then for the next two days you can put the beach and pool thing on repeat. So, it was Monday, St. Patrick's Day. I had seen the cute boy(Who I literally called the cute boy to my parents) every once in awhile. Then on Monday night my parents made me go talk to him. And we became really good friends, even though I had this big crush on him. Then Tuesday was my accident day.*hides head in shame* I was outside on our balcony watching the ocean and listening to my iPod and my mom yelled at me from inside the room to get in. So, I try opening the door but it's stuck, yet again. It had a real tendency to get stuck. So yeah, I pull and pull and pull and finally pull it open and here this tearing noise. I look at my foot and see the door on top of it and I pushed it closed to find that the door had ripped my big toenail on my left foot up. It was bleeding badly and there was this huge screaming thing going on in my room and then I had to go to the nurse and I was hyperventilating and it was this huge ordeal. I had it wrapped up and stuff and I couldn't swim the rest of the trip.: ( But yeah, I just hung out with Chris(Cute boy's actual name) and talked stuff. He was leaving really early Friday morning so Thursday was my last day with him. So we didn't really see each other all day and then that night we started hanging out and then, I don't know. It feels too personal to say on the internet what happened. We just got really close at the end and spent a very nice five minutes making out on the beach and then he walked me to my room, gave me a goodbye kiss and I've never seen him since. It's kind of sad. But we've texting ALOT. But we kind of know deep down that we'll probably never see each other again. He's from Missouri, I'm a Minnesota girl. But yeah. I don't know. Just felt like writing about my trip I guess. Then I got home and was instantly frustrated with normal life again and all I've wanted is to get away from everyone and I came up to my cabin and it made me happy.=) Except Alisha had another bad abar experience today.= ( At my age you would think that the old guys would stop hitting on me. Maybe they're all too drunk. Or just icky. One guy said: Oh wait, you're not legal. You're not 18 yet.*shudder shudder shudder* Save me from the creepy men of the bars!

-Alisha

A Quick F.Y.I....

Okay. So I've been thinking lately about how stressed out I've been. And I realized how much I loved my blog, cause it helped me get my feelings out. Well, I've never really cared for writing in diary form- it actually drives me crazy. But I can't get on my blog that often so I felt in a dilemma. Then I realized that I could write out stuff in a notebook like I would blog it, and then next time I got on my blog I could post it. So I've done that for a couple of days and what do you know I forgot my notebook at school! Another stupid Alisha moment for the books. Oh well. So, I'm just going to kind of write in a little bit. But if suddenly I have dated blogs coming in on the seemingly wrong days it's just me posting my entries.: ) Okay, talk to you in a bit....

-Alisha

AAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!!! Save Me Now!

Everyone I would like to tell you that I have an online stalker and I'm scared shitless. Pretty soon they'll be asking formy adress so that they can come moon over me while I'm sleeping. I'm not kidding you it's scaring the shit out of me. And now I'm pretty sure one of their freaky deaky friends is stalking me too. I'm going to die soon. Tell everyone why for me!

A Short Treachery

I decided to do write a new one of these. I haven't for awile, so here I go:

1. I've been really frustrated with you lately and you have no idea, but you earned some on my good side today. Thanks.

2. You just texted me and I seriously freaked out and went,"Yeah!" I love talking to you. It makes me happy.

3. Hey sexy lady. You wanted me to write one to you so I thought"hey! I should writed one to you" so here you go!

4. I don't understand you sometimes. You're a really confusing person. Your way of thinking about some recent events are really...I don't know. Odd. I'm confused. But honestly that's not an issue I have anymore. I got over everything.

5. I'm so glad I met you. You are awesome and I feel like you really understand me. You're one of the few that do. I fell for you the first time I saw you and then when I finally got the courage to talk to you, you simply blew me away. I'll never forget that night on the beach in Jamaica. It made me super happy, but it's also really sad that that's the last time that I ever saw you. But you'll always be in my heart. I love you and I'm glad that you like me a lot too. And your accent is too amazing for words.xD

6. I seriously think that I've said all that I need to say. So I'm just going to stop here.

Holy Fucking Mother of God

Hello blog people! OMFG! I repeat: OH MY FUCKING GOD! This week has been insane. Just wanted to get that out really badly. I'm just in shock right now. The week starts out with me all happy to be back with someone I love a whole bunch and I had missed them cause it was a long weekend. Then the next day I'm hurt really badly by the person and try to kill myself. Then I feel like an idiot because I feel like I shouldn't love them when I do. Then today I talk to them and they tell me something that made it alot easier to feel better. Then I find out it's a lie and I'm so pissed off it's so not funny. The blood boiled in my veins and I felt like I was going to hurt something. Now I'm just in shock. In a matter of three days I've gone from loving someone to hating them more than anyone else in the world. Wow is all I can say.

- Alisha

I Hate You

I'm so fucking pissed it's insane
I'm not used to playing the anger game
I hope you're happy with what you've done
Hope you're happy with the song you've sung
Hope your life's a living hell
Hope you get sucked into a depression spell
Trust me it serves you well

-Pissed Off Alisha