Ryan is shmokin ^^

a:hahaha dont you love my title?

l: Why your so funny (heavy on sarcasm)

a:you type slow you freak

l: says girl who licked yogurt off her leg. Sigh.

a: hahahahaha that was some tasty yum yums :)

l: I gagged, "GUH ROO US!" uh huh

a: i wuv ryan ^^

l: He's not a creeper so I guess that's alright, and you type slower than me sometimes!!!

a: only when me thoughts are stuck on how AMAZING AND WONDERFUL AND SWEET ryan is foo :P 

ha

l: If alisha ever becomes a pussy cat doll i'm moving to canada. I'd rather listen to celine dion

a:stairs man...stairs kill

l: I hate fucking stairs man

a:totally.why dont we all just go to edina realty and buy a timeshare?

l:Boca here we come!!!

a:per-UUUUUUUUUU!

l: LOLZ!!!! We were high on love brownies. It's gonna be an awesome weekend

a: definitely.you know ive been waiting a whole fucking week JUST for tonight :D:D:D:D im so psyched.ONLY TWO HOURS AND SIX MINUTES LEFT!!!!!

l: believe me I KNOW! Today was probably not the best choice to spend 4 AND A HALF HOURS WITH YOU.

a: please,you know you love me :) look,so sweet,so innocent! ^^

l:*currently beating head against table so can't make comment*

a: hahahaha landis' blood is painting the table

l: ummm I know ryan isn't a creeper but..... YOU ARE

a: dude,im pretty sure we established that like years ago.

l: YAY WE ARE LISTENING TO SUN KING!

a: where the hell is special k with my pot brownies?!?!?!?!

l:He is making us vegetarian dinner. HERE COMES THE SUN KING.

a: * alisha has no comment because she is currently gettin chapstick:)*

l: I'm cooler than her anyway

a:no you aint foo.i was upstairs getting my CHERRY FLAVORED CHAPSTICK!WHAT THE FUCK NOW?!

l:  We. Are. Trippin. Balls. (Landis loves harold and kumar go to white castle) 

a: we are the knights that say NII!

l:*landis has no comment because she is asking her dad if alisha can borrow monty python :P*

a: I.Like.Candy.Foo.

l: He says "I'll think about it" Alisha would make a could freak porn star.

a: *nods head*

l: that's the way it must be.

a:wtf wats happening to the world?

my knee has BONES in it.

like cameron's.

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASE!

ha.

l: Creepy music!! Alanis Morisette is pretty okay :)

a: cute.

l: Freak

a:i can say it in asl too spaz monkey.wat now foo?

l: I'ts almost time for dinner. Alisha is drinking LOTS OF WATER (she's got mono)(again)

a:DO NOT!

l: Whatever. sigh. 

a:i do NOT have mono again.deal with that.

l: I just don't know if I can. Alisha is a sheep

a: EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHSPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

a: MY BODYS A CAGE!!!!

l: weirdo. I can't remeber why were best friends can you?

a: were not friends.

l: WE'RE FAMILY

a & l: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

l: you sound stoned when you aww

L: stop sniffing the pens, your high enough

a:i dont shmoke

l: .... cigarettes.

a:no.

a:i shnort.....

l: THATS FOR DAMN SURE! I love our play buddies:)

a:....PIXI STICKS!

a: and ya they so coo :) mesa lovesa themsa

kiss my ass foo,you wish you was married to markus like me :P

l: umm not really didn't you see that lawsuit he filed against you for sexual harassesment?? He sounded surriouzzzz. :0

l: oh and stop trying to be gangsta. YOU ARE THE WHITE-EST PERSON I KNOW

l: alisha is "asleep" (which, as we all know, means zonked.) so this convo is over for now peace out everyone

a: Alisha sleep talked this "my merlin,your beard has grown quite long"

l: thats what I thought.

A treachery cause I'm cool :P

1. You are an awesome little person.
I love you and your awesome little ways.
Hahahahahaha.

Kk, well you're cool and deal with that or I'm gonna have to throw you in the pool.

Again!

tehe

2. When you're not being a backstabbing bitch you're pretty cool xD

3. I love how everything's cool between us. It's just really awesome. And I love it, so let's keep it that way, okay?? I love ya boob lady!

hee hee hee

4. You fucked up my life.

Hope you're happy.

You should be glad I don't make things worse for you.

5. Haha
curly fries
xD

6. I miss you :(

7. I love ya to death

Sorry I have to lie to you :/

8. You know I love you :)

But I just wish I could spend more time with you.

:) you're pookie misses her honey bear a lot

9. I still have problems with you, whether you're on my side or not.

10. Why didn't you marry some really freaking awesome guy like Steven?

He's like the pimp of coolness.

Instead you married the guy that continues to make my life hell.

Thaaaaaaaaanks.

Oh, and also I appreciate how you don't seem to care that I am sitting here lost trying to find myself and you aren't even trying to help me with what I think I need to do.

Yo you yo yo yo!

Haha you know what the best part of this blog is?
Nobody reads it!

Just kidding.

I know people do.
But watever.

I'm random today cause my werewolf, vampire, tapeworm, and food baby is making me super hungry therefore I'm eating alot and the sugar is making me fucking hyper!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay.

So there's things that I would like to be able to talk about, but I don't know if I can because I can't really remember exactly who knows about my blog.

Eek.

Oh well, screw them.

But today my mom's ex boyfriend( The quarterback-gag!) was meeting my mom up in Carlton and then they were going to Walmart to get my prego ass the stuff I want.

Lol.
So I'm a little embarrased that he had to witness my mom buying all my....needs.

Ha.

Not that anything was toooo embarrasing, but why the hell would I want my mom's ex that I've never met helping my mom pick me up my shit, right?

Oh well, but then they came back here and I met him, and I was prepared to hate him.

OMG I LOVE THAT GUY! Yeah, major turn of events, I know, but I loved that guy. He was awesome! Why my mom ever let him go I do not know...but that guy was like the bombshit.

He likes all the same kind of movies I do, we listen to similar music, we both do way too much running, and we have a similar sense of humor.

Oh, and he and I were talking about Knocked Up and Superbad together. Ha, he is the coolest fourty year ever. If I were old enough, I would like kidnap this guy and marry him.

Lol, I'm not that old though.

But he's also hot in that older guy way. Like how Brad Pitt is hot in that 'He's hot but I'm never gonna actually see him in that way cause he's actually this older guy that just looks a lot younger than he actually is' way, you know?

Ooooooh like Heath Ledger(may his sexy soul rest in peace and us that truly love him will remember him forever).

But anyways........lol. That guy is awesome.

New subject.
Hmmmm.....ooh if Tyler knew about this blog I think he would be sad if I didn't mention him in it and tell everyone how I think he's shmexy.
Mhmm. He's my boyfriend, he's awesome, he's a good kisser.

New subject.

Lol.

BOOOOOOOOOOB HICKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA!
That's my lil shout out to Hope.

I already did mine to Landis, where I talked about the FOUR FOURTHS BABY NOT FOUR HALVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh

Yeah, I don't know what else to talk about because I could talk about the little...cough...juno situation
ha
But I can't cause I dunno who will see this!!!!
:(

Oh welllllll

Alrighty

Now everyone who was BEGGING me to blog has gotten their wish :)

YAY!

lol

ta ta

- alisha

A Year Gone

Guess what! Guess what! Guess what, guess what, GUESS WHAT! Lots of newses to reportses. Well, one is I FINALLY got my haircut. First one since November- Holy buckets of Farce, I know! There's a picture of my new hairstyle, you know, the one, big picture that's posted in this blog. And I got some of my hair dyed purple last night! I hope none of my friends see this blog til later cause I wanted it to be a surprise for when I get back to school. But if they do, they will have to swear not to tell anyone else or I will personally use my own two hands to slaughter them! Yeah, the pacifist knows how to get down and dirty! I would share my other news, but that one is something that I don't think is honestly best put all over the internet-lol.xD

So, I'm going to be living at my cabin all summer, pretty much like last summer except that it's pretty much literally ALL summer that I'll be gone. I'm probably going to be catatonic by the time I get back to school. Haha. But not. I think that I should be fine this summer. Hopefully. I have only 7 full days of school left, and of those only 3 of them are normal school days without some sort of special event interrupting. I wonder where the school year went. I didn't want to start at the beggining, but then as I started going through the year I didn't want it to ever end because my friends would all be going different ways and I would be starting at a different school the next year. But by now I just want it to be over with, though I can't escape the little bit of anxiety about the summer. Hmmm, it's odd. I've overcome alot of obstacles this year. And so many things have happened to me. It seems like it started so long ago, yet it seems like it's been such a short expanse of time. I've been so unaware of everything going on around me this whole year. I've always beeen distracted by something. Hmmm, it's odd. I've overcome alot of obstacles this year. And so many things have happened to me. Like becoming vegetarian, discovering a million more bands and musicals that I love, seeing the best movies ever, falling in love, becoming myself, smothering every bit of white on my walls, doing everything that I used to be afraid to do because of my parents, setting myself free from a torture I've had for years, getting rid of one horrible boy, learning to see the beauty in myself for the first time, wearing naughty underwear in gym and laughing about it with my friends, letting my inhibitions go for one week, reading some really great books, seeing the great things about people, going in the sewers in the pouring rain, getting my ipod, coming to terms with my family, accepting myself for being me, becoming what I thought was cool years ago without trying, insomnia for weeks at a time, writing poems, saying, "Screw it, I'll just do it" way to many times to be acceptable, bursting into song and dance in public places daily, realizing that I only care what the people I love think of me, realizing that I'll never be what my family wants me to be and that that's what I want to be, and so much more. That wasn't meant to be such a long list. Well, I gotta go.

- Alisha

Gumption Gone

The courage to face the unknown
The courage to face the known
The courage to face your fears
To face the things not shown

The courage to face their face
The courage to suck up and face them
How do you do what you cannot do
How do you your own self condemn

To a life of long loneliness
How could you possibly stand
How can you let the silver lining
Slip right through your hands

The sands of time do not stay
The slip right through your hands
Yet you cannot jump up and say
What must be said while you still stand

The courage isn't there right now
You're not strong enough after all
How could things come to this
How could he let you fall

Betrayal is a harsh reality
A slap across the face
Yet all fiction comes from fact
All actions are emotion based

To thine own self be true
Can't apply when you aren't attatched
You feel feelings from a mile away
All hope has been smashed

You can't lie to yourself
Though your lies are fast and flow
You know you really do care
But you're afraid to show

You know way deep down
That you'll just let things go
And you'll never move on
Everyone is set on speed and you are set on slow

That candle flickers in the dark
The wind will blow it out
How can you just decide
To leave the light and pout

- Alisha 5/9/ 2008

A Treachery

1) Yes, I'm very annoyed with you. You're just as bad as the rest of them. I know you've been through rough times, but now you've become just like them. It's despicable.

2) If I could change the way things went between us, I'm not sure what I would do. Things between you and I were foreign and new, but it felt so right. Yet I don't know now if it was the beginning steps to my downhill descent, or if it was just delaying it. Was it a good thing for me, or did it just make things worse now? Why are things suddenly so different and odd? I'm messed up and I don't know if you know it or not. I wish that I could feel like SOMEONE cared about me, even though I know that people do, I just don't feel it. I'm not sure if you care about me anymore. It doesn't feel like it. It makes me so sad because I cared so much about you and I still do, even if it is in a different way. I care so much that I hurts that I never feel like you care back.

3) Every once in awhile I feel like telling you everything and having you tell me everything's okay, but I always end up deciding against it at the last moment. I think that I'll regret it.

4) I could really use you right now, and even though you really are so near by, there's no way for me to reach you.

5) I try to forget about my severe annoyances with you and nearly always work until it comes and bites me again in the butt. It's so annoying.

6) I'm used to having some one among my friends knowing something that's bugging me. In fact I think that I really usually have no secrets, it's just I don't put all my eggs into one basket so it doesn't feel as though I divulge everything. Now I have this problem that I'm still trying to ignore and still I haven't told a single person. It's new for me. And this is something huge.

7) I'm sorry I usually have such a short temper with you because I know that you have problems too. It's just that you take everything out on me and I have to sit here and deal with it that it makes me feel better to have even my small pitiful rebellion.

8) There are times in my past that stand out as clear, vivid moments when some of my innocence has been stolen from me. All those moments are memorable to me. They come at the strangest of times, but occasionally it's something that makes sense as to why a part of me was ripped away. One of those such times was because of you and I can never forgive you for that. It is something that is completely unforgivable and it hurt me that you said that. In that brief moment several things were running through my head. The main points were: that the hatred coursing through my veins was so tinged with hurt that I wouldn't have been surprised if my blood turned poisonous and black; that you had robbed me of part of the last part of my innocence; that I could never forgive you for that; and that I knew I wasn't going to cry for a long time. I know some people who go ages without crying, and that's just their nature. I know other people who cry frequently and that helps them relieve themselves of grievances. I used to be of the later group, but I haven't cried in over five weeks.

9) I was mad at you for awhile and I still won't pass up a chance to call you an asshole, but now I realize that I feel sorry for you. They used to make fun of you and I was there and told you that they were jerks and that they made fun of me all the time too but it didn't bother me because they didn't matter. You agreed with me and we helped each other. Then they focused on me and you forgot every nice thing that I had ever done for you and you proceeded to try to hurt me like they do. That was harsh. But I feel sorry for you that you try so hard to not be the point of ther focus, when they could turn on you in a second.

10) You're the real reason I stopped truly trusting most people. I'm really dissapointed in you.

- Alisha

A Nice Warm Shot Gun or a Poisoned Bottle of Bourbon

Everything feels so fucked up lately. I can't stand to be around my friends because they're constantly getting on my nerves, and I really enjoy it when I get to be alone. But when I'm online and stuff I feel almost desperate to talk to someone and then I just feel plain stupid. I feel like my whole life I've just let people walk all over me. I tell myself that I'm not a push over anymore and that I've toughened up . But the truth is that I just let people walk on top of me in a different way. Before I'd do anything anyone told me to do because I was gullible, naïve, trusting,, and wanted so badly to be liked, I was so sensitive that I would cry if someone said I was stupid. It was dumb. So then I learned to toughen up and I thought that I had stopped letting people walk over me too, but I hadn't. I let people say and do things to me that I don't deserve and I turn a blind eye because I don't want to believe that these people that I think are my friends are really so mean to me. I don't do anything until it becomes so obvious that I'm being thrown under the bus that I can't not say something. And then when I realize unpleasant things about myself I cling to the things that distract me, which happens to be my friends. But then it becomes to apparent in my mind that I have these flaws and problems and I pull away from everyone and everything I enjoy and sink into a depression. Then, I fight it and sometimes it just ends up taking me deeper and sometimes I manage to fight it off and escape it's clutches- mostly. But by that point I've been so sunk into myself and my own unhappiness that I can't get into the funk of being with my friends again and instead I get irritable and grouchy all the time because I find them so annoying and obsessed with such petty things. Then I need something to cling onto to get away from the depression and I find things that I enjoy and make myself live and breathe it to get away. And I'm so sick of acting like everything's okay when it's not and I'm so sick of everyone being so upset and yet obsessed with all their petty little things. There's bigger things out there. Everyone has ways of dealing with their problems, and sometimes those problems are bigger than others. In my case, I make things bigger than they need to be so I can make things feel real and not feel the numbness I always feel. I cling onto things that feel real and that I love until they're gone and then I fall to pieces. And I don't want to rely on other people. I want to be able to deal with things healthily and on my own, but most of all I don't want to have the problems that I do. And what I hate most of all is when people try to help me when I don't want them to. That makes things worse. But I feel all the more worse about things when I secretly want people to help me because I want to feel like I'm cared for. So I just want everyone to leave me alone and let me deal with things on my own because I don't want people to be in my life. Which sounds really awful. But it's true. I'm best left on my own, even though I feel so lonely everyday, and everyday it's a struggle for me to make myself wake up because I don't want to have to deal with things. All in all I have a tangle mess of a life and I don't know how to deal with it anymore.

-Alisha

The Alisha's A Horror Picture Show

Okay.  I'm a freak and I know it.  Yes, I spent $50 of my mom's money on iTunes today.  She did say I could though, she just didn't know how crazy I would get.  She does owe me money for babysitting though, so it's okay.  It started with me getting Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and The Series of Unfortunate Events.  Then I decided to get Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest too.  I already have the first one, so that's probably a good thing.xD Then I decided that I HAD to get Phantom of the Opera, so I did.  Then it took forever for those to download and I remembered a song I had told my mom I wanted, so I went back and downloaded Black Horse and a Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall.  Then I went to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show with my grandpa and he fell asleep while I fell in love with it.  Another musical for me to be in love with.  Now it consists of:

- Rent( the movie)

- Rent( the original broadway cast)

- Wicked

- Hair

- Phantom of the Opera

- The Rocky Horror Picture Show

- Moulin Rouge

- Across the Universe

Yeah, a lot for me.  A year ago it was only that I like The Wizard of Oz and Annie.  But going on.  So I finished watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show( RHPS) and I went onto iTunes and bought the original London cast because it had most of the same actors as the movie did.  And I memorized the Time Warp dance( Honestly it's not that hard to memorize) and I will perform it at school on Monday.  And I know that Halloween is MONTHS off from now, but I now know what I'm being for Halloween.  It's the character Magenta from RHPS.  It'll be amazing cause I already know exactly how I'm going to do my makeup and the fake eyelashes that I'm gonna need.  I even already have the dress.  There's just a couple of things that I actually need to get.  So it'll be pretty amazing.  Now I can't wait for Halloween.xD Haha, I'm special.  But yeah, if I think of more to say I'll write more later.  Bye!

- Alisha

My Treachery of Truth

1)I'm drained. I don't feel like I have any energy left what so ever. The physical energy I put in every day is sapping me and then I can't sleep at night and I never really feel much like eating. My mind is driving me crazy andn I just want to be alone all the time. lI'm going to crash soon, and it isn't going to be good.

2)If you feel like you have to pity me, then please do it in private. Because I feel pitiful enough as it is and i don't need your constant reminder with your sad faces and half smiles. I get it, okay? Obviously something's wrong with me, and obviously I realize it. I realize that I'm the single girl who loves a guy that lives too far away and who isn't treating her well. I realize that I'm the girl who looks like she'll never be lucky in a relationship again. I realize that I have dark shadows under my eyes and that I have a distant look in my eye. I realize that I'm starting to lose it again. And I realize that I'm pulling away from everyone. I realize that all I want is to be alone.

3)I know that you're concerned about me. I'm concerned about me too. To be honest I'm scared shitless. I'm sorry that I've done this to you, scaring you like this. We both are scared.=(

4)It's not because of you. I think that you were delaying me from becoming like this, but once you were out of the picture I didn't have anything to distract myself with anymore. so no, it is not because of you. YOu were just delaying it for awhile

5)Have you ever taken a questionaire to find out if you're so and so way before and you've kind of dramtisized(If that's a word)? Well, I was dramtizing. It's a definite answer. It's unfortunately so, I'm afraid. And no I'm not talking about pregnancy tests!

6)Thankyou for being there. Even though you're in a similar boat that I'm in, it feels nice to have someone spiraling downward right next to me.

7)I know that you'll feel bad that I'm going downward and you can't help me. Don't worry about it. Focus on yourself. Not me. Haven't I always managed to get out of my dark holes before, at least for a short time anyways? I'm going to get help this time, not wait until help finds me.

8)You won't understand. You'll think that you understand, but deep down inside you'll be confused and refuse to accept it. I know you too well to think that you could possibly understand this. It's a good thing though, it means that you have to much goodness in your heart. I suppose though that it isn't my fault that I have so much darkness inside.

9)I know that if I tell you that you'll run off and tell a dean or something because you won't want me to be fucked up. It's not your fault, it's just your nature, but maybe you should learn to accept that some people know how to get help themselves in a better way for them.

10)I wish that you would just leave me alone. It's too hard somtimes. It isn't fair what you do to me. You don't do it to other people, why should you single me out. But I know that you'll probably never stop.

I Need To Write A Treachery

1) I don't hate you. I thought I told you that I didn't. Because you said that you knew I hated you, and that's not true. I thought I did, but I was just really upset. I was overeacting.

2) I really like you, it's just lately you've kind of been creeping me out. Like, alot. ALOT, ALOT, ALOT! I don't like having sexual talks with you. I honestly just don't!!!! It was bad enough what you were saying on Monday, but today it seriously like I wanted to go puke really badly. EWWW!!!!!

3) Thankyou SO MUCH for being there when everyone else is simply being douches!!!!!! At least in my mind, but thankyou so much!

4) Thankyou for being crazy, amazing, sexy legs(Total inside joke with you), random you. It's nice.=]

5) What you said hurt my feelings. Bet you didn't even know that I know you said it either. But what you said sounded a lot like," You're an awful person and I don't understand you, but it's okay cause I like you." Um, hello? Am I the only one who finds that offensive?!?!?!!?!

6) You're so stupid sometimes. I wish you would just stop trying to understand the way the female mind works-you never will! And then you have to ask me every single last thing and it must frustrates me!

7)You're awesome, but I don't like you that way. I'm sorry.

8) Leave me alone before I call the police!!!!!! What the fuck is your problem?!?!!?!?! I've asked you nicely, I've asked you not so nicely, and STILL you won't leave me alone!!! I don't want to go out with you so just drop the whole fucking subject! No more Ms. Nice Alisha. The gloves are off....

9) Love you more than anything but you're gettin on my nerves! Tone down the energy little girl or I'm going to crazy and wring your furry little neck!!!! Just kidding, but seriously tone it down a teensy bit. I'm going crazy!

10) This is to several people: AHEM!!!! I do not HAVE to go to the dance. It is my choice and I chose not to. I only told you that I had to choose between the dance and my cabin(Which is true but I wouldn't have gone to the dance even if I wasn't going to my cabin) because you are too shallow minded to understand the fact that of course I don't feel like going to the dance! Here's a list of reasons if you need that to understand:
- I am annoyed with just about everyone right now and would much rather be alone
- I can't remember the last time I went to a dance without a date and I didn't get asked by anyone that I wanted to go with
- I would only have gone if I really, really like the person who asked me. Look at the point above....
- Yes, there is someone I like who would take me if they could. But they don't happen to live anywhere around here. So don't even ask next time, please
- I can't dance because of my injury. I can't even walk on it, let alone dance
Is that good enough? I hope so.

-Alisha